Love in the Extreme

God loves you because you exist.  It's that simple and humbling at the same time. There is no purer form of love. Our current reality, which is a reflection of our fallen state, is that this is very difficult, if not seemingly impossible for us to do. We all find it naturally easier to love and appreciate those people that provide tangible or emotional value to us.

My mom is an LPN and has cared for a girl (actually a woman who is now in her late 20s) who has needed 24/7 care from both people and machines since she was born.  Let's call her Tracy.  Tracy does not have muscle control of anything but her blinks.  Only those extremely familiar with her can decipher her grunts, groans, and blinks and be reasonably certain they know what she wants.  She lies in the same position all day and can only move if someone moves her.  No one really knows her mental capacity.  Tracy has very little, if any, value to give.  I struggle to comprehend this life.   Do her parents love her in the same way that they love their other 3 kids that are healthy and 'normal' and give so much in return for their parent's love?  I can't say for certain, but I can imagine that the parents struggle with this.  

Our kids are literally extensions of ourselves.  Most of us find it is easiest to love ourselves, and by extension, it's not that difficult for people to love their kids (especially younger children).  Among a whole list of things, kids give meaning and valuable purpose to our lives.  We may view them as our proxy, and despite our desire for them to have the best, we tend to fill our own need for self-worth and validation through their successes.  Kids give us something, and although we try not to love them just for that reason, the give and take is so much intertwined with that love, it's hard to tell the difference sometimes.

Our spouses represent another aspect of love.  We choose to give our heart to this person, yet we take the leap of love in the risky hope that our spouse's love will catch us in return.  My choice to marry Gretchen was in part driven by my trust in her that she would indeed always love me in return.  Even in marriage, our love is partly due to the hope that something will be given in return.  In some marriages, like that of a former college professor, one spouse becomes incapacitated physically (and perhaps mentally) and the other spouse spends the rest of his or her days as a physical caretaker in addition to the normal task of being their emotional caretaker.  This is a demonstration of a Godly form of love, one that sacrifices and loves despite receiving much of anything in return, and despite sometimes feeling miserable extending that love. Loving does not always make us happy, and if it does, you’re not really loving.

It's also interesting to note that love for God is often driven by what He does or can do for us.  We love Him because we get something from Him, not because He is simply worthy of love.  If God did not give eternal life, would you still love Him and serve Him? 

If you peel back enough layers of our ‘love”, there is often that selfish motivation, that one thing or things we get in return for giving...and like an addiction, those things control our actions.  You might find tangible rewards like help when you need it, money, things, sex, etc. and intangible rewards like happiness, self-worth, sense of accomplishment, pride, etc.  We often do the right thing, but it is at this deeper level that our human version of love is so completely and utterly distant from the love of God.  

God extends love due to our intrinsic value alone.  His love is not based on what we give or what we do. 

I am inspired by this form of love.  I want to see the intrinsic value in people and love them without the pollution of their practical or emotional value to me or the things that they do.  The belief that God is the immovable mover of love is critical for me.  Because He loves humanity unconditionally, and I am created in His image, I also have been given the capacity to always grow closer to this perfection.  If He does not love us in this way, then there is no hope that we can move beyond the practical, yet ultimately selfish, give and take currency of love that we currently exchange.

I appreciate the love that is given to me, and enjoy the rewards of loving others, and in reality need all these things desperately in order to love.  But I'm proposing that this is not in our original design and shouldn't be the acceptable reality.  My reality is that I often love less when I am given little to nothing in return, including the potential hope for something in return.  We shouldn’t ignore our emotional need of receiving love and rewards for love, but we should constantly strive to depend less and less on this need to effectively love and value people. We should strive to be closer to that place of full redemption where love is purely given with no strings attached, whether consciously or subconsciously.

You will often find me an advocate of balance, but when it comes to love, I believe we should always work towards being extreme, where we give unconditionally and despite what is given in return.